Tonight LittleQ and I went to a barbeque with my friend Y- and her husband at a mutual friend’s home. It was your standard summer barbeque.
Anywho, the way the chairs were situated were so that there was a bench in front of the garage facing it, and then to the right of and a little behind that, by the front door of the building and the small lawn, there were a few chairs scattered about. So basically whomever sat on the bench had their backs turned to those who sat on the other chairs.
There were about 4 people there with whom we were not acquainted, and we were of course introduced. You know, the usual “Hi Hello I’m Joe Schmo” dialogue.
And so the bbq was moving along, we were eating, LittleQ was playing on the tiny lawn. My friend Y- was sitting in one of the chairs with her back to the garage, and I was crouched down next to her, facing LittleQ. There were a couple of people sitting on the bench and also a few inside the garage.
So this guy whom we all just met was sitting on the bench with his butt pointing in my and Y-’s general direction. He shifted, ever so slightly lifts his butt… and he FARTS.
All conversation ceased. The coals crackled. I swear, in the next 1/2 second at least 2 things popped into my head: 1)Wait, I couldn’t have been the only one to hear that, that was a fart like a FREAKING foghorn and 2)Okay, so when he says “excuse me” or “oops” we’ll all chuckle nervously, and this general feeling of unease that has swiftly overcome us all will subside.
He did neither. For a full 5 seconds (and oh my but it felt like 30), nobody said a word. Finally, I broke the silence by loudly and playfully chastising LittleQ for attempting to put dirt in his mouth, while desperately trying (but failing) to stop laughing. I had to move away. I caught Y-’s eye, and she had to turn away before she burst out in a fit of giggles.
The various conversations people were having finally resumed.
Maybe he meant to say “excuse me” or “oops” or something along those lines, but he waited just a millisecond longer than he should have, so he decided not to say anything at all, you know, hoping against all hope that nobody had heard his very loud, rippling display of flatulence.
Mmmk.
Honestly, I did not want to have such a childish response, but seriously, as Y- and her husband, LittleQ and I drove away, we pondered whether or not he had honestly believed that nobody heard his very very loud fart. It wasn’t that he farted that made me laugh so hard, it was the realization that he so obviously decided that he was not going to simply accept his social faux pas with any sort of grace, and maybe joke about it to ease the obvious tension; no, he just went ahead and pretended that people around him were too occupied and distracted to notice.
What would he have possibly done if it had carried a STENTCH? You can’t exactly WISH a smelly smell away.
HIGH-FREAKING-LARIOUS
Honestly though, I did feel bad… It’s one of those situations that you wish just didn’t happen, because he more than likely was embarrassed by the whole farting event.
But….. Did he believe that we maybe believed it was just a rumbling of his belly? Or maybe, the sound his shoe made on the concrete? Everyone farts, if he made light of it, seriously, the resulting tension would have been lessened by about 110%.
As Y-’s husband said - “Geez, because he just pretended like we didn’t hear him fart so loudly, and damn that was loud, he will forever be known as that guy who farted loud at L-’s barbeque.”
Technorati Tags: farts, flatulence, barbeques, summer
